


Happiness Like Water

by wonusvts



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Again, Crying Harry, Emotional, Emotional Roller Coaster, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I cried while writing this, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Marauders, Marriage Proposal, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Post-Hogwarts, Sad, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 20:05:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10883994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonusvts/pseuds/wonusvts
Summary: Harry finds a notebook that belonged to Sirius while rearranging Grimmauld Place. How does he deal with what is inside?





	Happiness Like Water

It had been 10 months since the war ended. It had been 8 months since Harry had apologised to and started going out with Draco Malfoy. It had been 2 months since they decided they’d move in together. It had been three days since Harry had begun cleaning up Grimmauld Place, where they would be living. Nothing could have prepared him for what he would find in the hidden corners of the house. 

 

Especially in his godfather’s room. He had chosen to keep this room the way Sirius had left it, complete with posters, Gryffindor banners and his shrine to Godric Gryffindor, the pictures of his friends. But Harry had told himself he needed to clean it up and organise it at least a little bit. The room was pretty tidy, but not as much as Harry would like. 

He looked at the room, trying to push back the tears welling up in his bright green eyes that were so like his mother’s. The thought that this used to be the only space in the house Sirius was actually comfortable in, was honestly understandable. It was the only room that felt warm and light, not dark and gloomy. Not to mention the state of some of the rooms and that insufferable screaming portrait of Walburga. 

The bedsheets on the bed were patterned with hundreds of small dancing lions, probably to infuriate his parents, and were slightly pushed back, leaving the smallest trace of someone having used the bed before they left. Left _forever._ He pushed back that thought. 

Instead he stepped into the room even further and began picking some things off of the floor, placing them back on the desk that stood under the windowsill. Harry wondered if Sirius used to have had thrown his quills on the ground, because he found quite a lot of them under the desk. Along with crumpled papers on which the ink had already faded with time. On one of them were two initials (at least that’s what he assumed) readable. _R.L_  

Harry was curious but decided to keep tidying the room. He didn’t touch anything he didn’t have to, thinking of Sirius and if he was somehow watching him, trying to direct him where to put stuff he didn’t have a clue where they had come from. This time, he couldn’t help but let one tear slip, seeing it drop onto the floor, leaving a small dark spot. Harry wiped his eyes swiftly and ran a hand through his unruly black hair. He was just picking up pieces that Sirius had left along the way, hoping he would learn something about his godfather. 

 

After a short break from the work he was doing, Harry went back up the dark stairs, dust rising up in the air with every step he took. The portraits on the wall seemed to mock him for being too sentimental. But Harry knew that already, he had told no one but Draco that he was doing this, keeping the room the way it was. Draco had told him everything was fine and that he was happy if it helped Harry get over Sirius’s death. 

Every time he entered the room, he somehow had a feeling of intrusion, even though there was no one there to tell him off. He wishes there was. He wishes that Sirius would come in out of nowhere and tell him the stories behind the pictures on the walls or that random shrine to Godric Gryffindor. Harry had just found his family, and lost it just as fast. He missed the barking laughter of his godfather, the small smiles Remus would always give to everyone, or Fred’s sly plans to prank the adults downstairs. 

His only hope throughout the two months following the war, and been Ron and Hermione. But they were off to Australia a month after the war ended and were far too preoccupied with each other to notice Harry quietly fading from a bright energy filling the room when he walked in, to an emotional mess who sat in the middle of a field, thinking about how lonely he felt, even though people were kissing the ground he walked on. 

And then, Draco had come back in again. Draco’s energy was enough to charge Harry up for an entire day and was the cause of the smiles Harry was giving everyone again. They both had each other, and that was enough. 

 

Lost in thought, he turned back to the desk, unable to resist the urge to look into the drawers. 

The wooden desk drawers were a bit dusty, but the insides were clean and smelled of some kind of men’s perfume. 

He found normal things like papers, sports magazines, even some note from his father that made him very happy to read. 

When he opened the top drawer, his eye fell on a notebook. It was a deep blue and had an illustration on the cover. It seemed normal, but Harry felt immediately that it had a locking charm placed on it. He let his fingers trail over the drawing on the cover, it was beautiful and seemed to be hand drawn. It was a moon, a few stars scattered around it, a hazy cloud floating. The moon was incredibly detailed and had patterns worked into it. Harry had never known Sirius could draw so well. 

When Harry figured out how to unlock it, he noticed that the drawing on the cover was charmed to move when the book opened. The moon transformed and Harry noticed that it showed the moon’s phase. 

He was actually quite anxious to open it now. Merlin knows what kind of privacy Harry was invading right now. 

On the first page, was elegant, cursive handwriting saying _during class and when we can’t talk, we use this instead._ Harry wondered what Sirius meant by that. It was obviously his handwriting, Harry would recognise it anywhere. Imagining what was on the pages would be silly, so he flipped the page.

Two pairs of handwriting? Odd. Harry read the text, not knowing what he was about to discover. 

 

_September 5th - History of Magic_

 

_“Do you think we could throw something at Binns and he would notice? Or do ghosts not feel that…”_

_“Padfoot, what are you thinking. Don’t throw things at the professor, just throw them at James for Godric’s sake.”_

_“I’m bored. And no, Mr Werewolf McWerewolf, pay attention is not the correct answer.”_

_“I wasn’t going to say that, Sirius.”_

_“Siriusly?”_

_“Stop.”_

_“Fine.”_

_—_

 

So this book was full of conversations between Sirius and Remus during classes. Harry couldn’t imagine that McGonagall didn’t know about it. Maybe she just chose to ignore it. Or maybe they really were clever enough to avoid her noticing. 

Harry did what any person in this situation would do, he flipped creamy white page again and read the next conversation, very different from the previous one.

 

_September 11th - Potions_

 

_“Moony, my one and only love, how are you?”_

_“Sirius, you talked to me five minutes ago in the hallway.”_

_“Doesn’t mean I can’t miss you though.”_

_“I know, but Slughorn is explaining something and I’m trying to listen.”_

_“Nerd.”_

_“You love me.”_

_“I do”_

 

_—_

The exchange stopped there, leaving Harry confused. What did they mean with those declarations of love? Was it sarcasm or did they… It couldn’t be. Harry wanted to investigate this further, so he read the next page, curiosity taking over his actions. His eyes scanned the paper, which smelled kind of dusty and was slightly ruined at the edges. He wondered if Remus and Sirius somehow knew he was reading this, if they would mind him seeing it. 

 

_September 13th - Charms_

 

_“I dare you to ask Flitwick if he is part goblin.”_

_“No”_

_“Please, I’d do anything for you, do me a favour.”_

_“Padfoot, I do you enough favours every single day. If you keep being annoying, no kisses for an entire week.”_

_“Moony, first of all: how dare you and second of all: you can’t not kiss me, I know it.”_

_“Probably, but at least let me threaten you.”_

_“Anytime, love.”_

_—_

Harry blinked a few times before he realised what he had just read. Sirius and Remus were actually in love while they were in school? His mind raced with questions and he didn’t really know what to do with this information. It’s not like he could ask them. He was considering calling Draco on the phone he talked him into getting a few months earlier, but he knew Draco was with his Slytherin friends and he didn’t want to worry him. Not that Draco would mind, but he deserved forgetting about everything with his friends for a while. Harry knew the damage was done and his emotions had gotten a strong blow. Maybe he’d cry, maybe he wouldn’t. Probably the former.

The next entry was from just after the full moon, Harry guessed. The language his godfather and Remus were talking in was different from the other entries.

 

_September 16th - Hospital Wing_

 

_“How are you doing, love?”_

_“Not terrible. Although I could be better.”_

_“You’re stronger than any of us ever will be Remus. You know that right?”_

_“I suppose… Why are we writing this instead of talking anyways? And stop staring at me in this sad way.”_

_“Madam Pomfrey told me to be quiet, and we both know I’m a loud talker, so I thought this was the best idea.”_

_“It is, you’re brilliant. I love you.”_

_“I love you too, Moony. And you know, this may sound weird, but if maybe… we have children someday, I want to give them this book, so they know how much we mean and meant to each other.”_

_“I would like that, so they know they can have that too. I hope they’ll know that.”_

_“They will, I’ll make sure of that.”_

_—_

The black haired boy had abandoned the chair and was sitting on the floor now, not quite knowing if Sirius would consider him his own. Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t mind Harry reading this. Perhaps he’s even glad Harry is reading this, because he knows now that his godfather would have accepted his relationship with Draco, Harry thought about it. He did feel the same way about Draco as it seemed Sirius and Remus did about each other. 

The word kept ringing in his ears “ _did”._ He hoped they were together in the afterlife, if there was a proper one. He wondered if Sirius would’ve been disappointed that it was a _Malfoy_ he had fallen so deeply in love with, or that he would’ve been ecstatic because now that he was together with his cousin, they would one day _really_ become family, not that he wasn’t already. He hoped for the latter. And it probably would’ve been that. 

Remus would’ve probably given him a talk about things he didn’t want to know, but he would let him because he looked up to him. Remus was so kind and intelligent, despite everything that had happened to him. Every time he had entered a room while he was alive, it seemed to warm up and brighten immediately. Harry always was fascinated by how he seemed to have chocolate in his pockets all the time, how he managed to smile on the day after the full moon and how he had such a strong will he had never let slip his connection to his parents at Hogwarts before Harry had asked him about it. 

 

Harry was glad he had already dusted the room, because the floor would’ve stained his clothes horribly if he hadn’t and Draco could’ve thrown him out if he came to meet him like that. 

Harry couldn’t help but thinking about how Sirius and Remus thought about their future together. The future that they believed in, the future that was now in ruins. Sirius had just been back, but was gone just as fast. Harry didn’t want to think about how Remus must have felt when he saw Sirius after 12 years, his best friend who was really his _boyfriend_ , whom he loved so deeply it probably hurt. Remus must’ve been hit by a thousand emotions at once, all of them striking him like lightning. Thoughts rumbling in his head like thunder. Reassuring himself Sirius hadn’t forgotten him, while also thinking that he hated him because he hadn’t been able to get him out of that prison. 

Tears were stinging in Harry’s emerald eyes, his fists clutching the hem of his navy blue sweater Draco had bought for him. He bit his lower lip, trying to push the tears back. It was impossible. 

They quickly began making their way down his face, his soft sobs could be heard throughout the softy lit room. Fighting it didn’t help, emotions were made to be felt. It’s what makes you human. So he let the tears fall, putting his head on his knees. The tears shone on his face like the moon illuminating a river. 

His eyes darted back to the book on the floor next to him. He wasn’t going to read any more until Draco was with him. He wanted him to see this, after all Sirius wanted his children to have it, since he considered Harry as his son, it now belonged to him. Just like everything else in the gloomy house. It still sounded weird to him, how everything in this house that was once Sirius’s, or Regulus’s or even belonged to their parents, was now his. He owned all of his godfather’s stuff. He hadn’t entered the room that was once occupied by Regulus, but after what he did, Harry was curious about him. He’d do that later. When he had processed this.

His crying had stilled, but after a while of sitting there, thinking, it had started again. He just let it wash over him, like a wave made of pure emotion and grief.

 

When Harry had calmed down, he thought about what to do next. His first thought was to just forget about the notebook for a while and start tidying, but he decided against it. Instead, he went downstairs and put the notebook in his bag. His phone was lying on the kitchen counter, which was a bit dusty and the kitchen did smell strange, like some kind of cheese he might’ve smelled at the Dursleys once. He took a mental note to repel that smell with magic, like he was cleaning the rest of the house. Only Sirius’s room was he doing by hand, because it was special to him. 

He took his phone off the counter and decided he would text Draco, he needed some support here. 

After about 5 minutes, Draco texted Harry, telling him he would be right there and that he loved him.

Suddenly, a thought sprang into Harry’s head, why did they make this book anyways? The answer was to be found on the last page of the notebook, in elegant writing with silver ink.

 

_To my family, whoever that might be._

_Remus (Moony) and I (Padfoot) made this because we wanted to be able to talk to each other all the time, even when it was clear we couldn’t. But after a while, we wanted to document parts of our lives together, to show our family that what we have is available to anyone. We want the person that’s reading this to know that, if we gave this to you, we love you. No matter what you have done wrong, or no matter who you chose to love. Happiness is everything, it’s like water. You can go a small amount of time without it, but not forever. It is not like you’d actually die, but inside you would. It is also like water in the sense that it fuels life. It always will. We chose happiness, you can too. Even if this world fucks up sometimes, it’s not all bad. If it was, I would never have met my Remus._

 

_To my love, Remus._

_I vowed to myself to never stop loving you, no matter how time will turn out to fuck us over. I’d give my life for you and I know you would do the same, you have told me so on many occasions. I cherish those moments when it’s just us, sitting at the lake, or when we lie down in the middle of a field together. Or when you introduced me to all those strangely tasty new chocolate flavours. Or when I told you how I loved you for the first time, and you appeared so shocked while saying it back, I just had to kiss the expression off of your beautiful face. I know I have told you this a least a thousand times, but I will tell it a thousand times more. Your warm brown hair and your light green eyes startle me every single day. Your kisses are soft and warm, they always are. Just like your personality, which I adore. You will tell me the most randomly interesting facts and I will keep listening to them until the day I die. I have had questions for you all the time, from silly to shockingly sensible. But the most important one, I promised myself to ask when we got to the end of this book. Look me in the eyes, Remus and I will ask you._

 

Harry was once again, fighting back tears. This was the most beautiful thing he had read in a long time and it was so intimate that Harry felt like an intruder in a private moment. His eyes scanned the page again, the reason to make this book was so beautiful Harry wanted to scream. 

His eyes landed on a two phrases at the bottom of the page. It made his heart stop.

 

_My question was answered on the 26th of June. He said yes._

 

They were engaged. All this time, Harry had never known they were engaged after they left Hogwarts. He thought about the type of love Sirius and Remus had shared, then he thought about the love he and Draco shared. It was like history had repeated itself. It was almost the complete same type of love. The one where it sometimes hurt like hell because you just love him _so damn much._ The type where your heart stopped and seemed to restart, even after months of being together. The type where you knew the future was not mine, but _ours._

Harry had a lot to think about, but when Draco opened the door and saw Harry sitting there, tears in his bright eyes, he took him into his arms and whispered all sorts of loving things in his ear.

 

At that exact moment, Harry realised that even after their deaths, Sirius and Remus had taught him something. He needed Draco like he needed water, because Draco was his happiness, his light and his whole universe. The question lingered; _if I asked, would he say yes too?_  

Harry made an impulsive decision and blurted out the question.

Draco stared at him in shock, not moving.

“I know we’ve only been dating for 8 months, but I love you, Draco. I want us to be together _forever._ I need you, I would’ve never been in the place I am in now if it wasn’t for you, love.” 

He wanted to ramble on, but Draco shut him up with one of the most passionate and loving kisses he had ever been on the receiving end from. 

“Yes, Harry. I will marry you. I will love you forever, I promise.” said Draco through tears.

 

Sirius and Remus made Harry realise, if he wanted this and was sure of it he had to do it now. Or it might be too late. Time might fuck them over again and again, but they had each other.

 

Harry added a small note at the end of the book, making it even more official, a tribute to Sirius and Remus. 

_From Harry, Sirius’s godson. To Draco Malfoy, his universe._

_I will never not look at you the way I did when we first got together. I will never not love you. But you never have to say yes to the most important question I ever asked you, because you already did_. 

_He said yes._

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed the story. This is my first Wolfstar fanfic I actually published instead of deleting. Please keep in mind that English isn't my first language so my apologies for errors I might have made while writing.


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